Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Real Me...

Angela over at "Pickles on Pizza" has inspired today's musings. She wrote about being Authentic, being real. I struggle with that all the time. There have been times in my life where I felt true to myself and times where I did not. The older I get, the less I feel I have to conform and sacrifice my authenticity to fit in with the group.

When I started teaching, six years ago, I began to feel more authentic than I ever have. The pieces all clicked. And then the dragon of rheumatoid arthritis reared its ugly head and I was swallowed up. At first I fought hard, but I felt I didn't know how to be authentic and fight this disease. I now feel I have surrendered and let the dragon win. 

But yesterday I started fighting again. See, when the dragon wins, I do nothing. So fighting meas doing and yesterday I did. I feel I have a long way to go before I find myself again, the person I was before RA crashed into my life. But writing this, this is a start. 

5 comments:

Jeanette Blevins said...

Joan, from an outsider looking in, I feel that you have done an incredible job fighting RA. You are an amazing teacher and your students love and respect you and flourish in your class...If you feel that you are not putting up a good fight against RA, then I am totally going to have to disagree with you, because you ROCK sista!!!!

Mr. Hughes said...

And we are behind you 10000%!

jill Lopez said...

Joan I am sure that you will give the RA dragon and swift kick in the a$$ and rock it as I have seen you do with other battles you have been through since I have known (almost 25 years)...Hang in there and take good care of yourself...

Angela said...

HI!! I actually read this earlier from my phone but I don't like commenting from my phone. It's an auto-correct nightmare.

Anyway -- I just wanted to stop by and say stay strong and keep fighting!! You can't give up!! If not for yourself, for your girls. I watched my Mom suffer through bone cancer and she never gave up or gave in. I think back now how hard that must have been but she was living her life to the fullest until her very last breath. Continue to fight and pray there will be a cure for RA!

tharr said...

Never give up. For me there are days I am in control, days I fight back and other days I let my RA have it's day. It took a while to learn this, I always liked being in control. Giving in occasionally is not the same as giving up.