Saturday, November 03, 2012

Fire and Ice

My life changed, just a bit more, this weekend. I look forward every year to my four days at the Oklahoma Arts Institute. I haven't felt well. I hurt, and I ache, and I am tired. The fatigue that comes with an autoimmune disorder is impossible to explain. Thursday I left for Quartz Mountain and yesterday I came home. 

It was too hard.

The mind games I had to play with myself were exhausting me to the point of tears. The pep-talks in the mirror became hollow. 

I couldn't keep it up and I left. 

The fires in my joints slowly burn and smolder. In the morning, the fires are cold, the pain is like ice, dry and as hard as diamonds. I feel like I crack as I try to move.